Make Dating With Children Work for All

So, you've fallen for someone with kids and now you don't know how to act. That's how it is in most cases, so here are words of wisdom for dating someone with children.

The first thing you'll both want to decide is when to meet the children for the first time.
Generally most who give advice on dating someone with children will tell you not to meet the kids on the first date. The reasons are two fold.

First, the children might be hostile and you might never get to the second date. That would be most unfortunate.

The second reason is that the children might be hopeful of having a new “mommy” or “daddy” and you could hurt them if the relationship doesn’t progress to the next date. For the second reason the best advice on dating someone with children is to wait until both of you believe that the relationship has a good chance of progressing to the long term stage.

Keep in mind that children are a very significant part of your potential mate’s life. Nine times out of ten, if she or he must choose between you or the children, you will lose. You must, therefore, wait until the time comes that you are prepared to act a parental role, and to take what could be some resistance from them in stride and win them over.

While it’s very important advice that if you are dating someone with children you wait until you feel there is a long term relationship here it’s also important that you let the children get to know you before you and your partner decide to make long-term arrangements – like marriage, for example.

Should you decide not to meet the children, and then spring on them the fact that you're getting married, the children will feel left out. They will feel powerless, and they will be angry and feel threatened by you. That can doom the marriage before it even starts.

Once you meet the children be careful of their feelings. Take the time to build a relationship with them as best you can, in spite of possible resentment or jealousy. If the absent parent is deceased you run the risk of being thought of as replacing that parent they loved.

It is sound advice on dating someone with children that you assure these kids that you are not out to replace their lost parent. You just want to be accepted as their friend and their mentor. The best way to play this is for you and your partner and the children to all sit down together and talk about how you would like to be accepted into their family, and what they would like to see happen between you. Giving them this kind of control and buy-in to what is happening will go far to gaining their acceptance.

Once you’ve met and been accepted by the children it's not necessary to turn each date into a family outing. You and your partner still need time alone, so make separate arrangements for alone time, and kid time. And hopefully you'll all live happily ever after.